![]() © XKCD.COM When I was at school, the 'in' subjects were sports and drama. Not much good if you were shy and uncoordinated, like me. At that age, it takes a special kind of strength to go your own way and not care what people think of you. I didn't have it. I've always cared far too much about other people's opinions. And so I played down my strengths, learned not to be proud of academic achievements, and convinced myself that being clever or interested in learning was a Bad Thing. But unfortunately for me, I was clever. I was interested in things like science and numbers. I enjoyed reading and playing board games and watching sci-fi films. I had no desire to spend all my free time hanging around a shopping centre, or trying to look older than I was so I could get into clubs and drink alcohol. My ideal Saturday morning was spent in the fantasy section of the local library. In fact, I was a geek. Even at university, when it was finally OK to be academic, there were some things I felt I had to hide about myself. There was a role-playing fantasy group on campus, and most people I knew laughed at them. But secretly, I wanted to join. I wanted to have the confidence to wander around with a bunch of other people wearing cloaks and swords, saying things like verily and forsooth. I wanted to be comfortable with my own geekiness. But I wasn't. It's taken me nearly thirty years to finally be proud of being a geek. To say yes, I love fantasy and prog rock and astronomy and jokes only mathematicians can understand, isn't that great? I wish it hadn't taken me so long. I wish I'd enjoyed my geekiness sooner. But I hope I've at least achieved it in time to teach my children that it's OK to like what you like – whatever that is.
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It can still be difficult to be your authentic self in a world of randomly decided rules of the game (depending on what game is being played). But I think being authentic really is the only way to be happy in the long term, even if occasionally you run into someone who doesn't get it and tries to demean you based on their own standards/beliefs/whatever. It is a challenge but I believe it is worth it. Great post!
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Great post! I never wanted to be 'different', it was others that pointed out that I wasn't the 'same as them.' This set the scene for many years of feeling alienated and alone.
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Glad you are embracing your inner-self.
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