What with Baby Smith's cold and his corresponding rejection of anything sleep-related, I haven't got a great deal of writing done recently; but I have, at least, managed a little bit of editing. Here's the scene from Dawn Rising where Oriana is about to be married to the man who killed her mother. My difficulty with Oriana is that I'm always afraid people will read her as weak or passive. She isn't: she's badly hurt, out of options and being controlled by someone with far more power and cruelty than she possesses. Sometimes, strength can be as simple as refusing to let our tears fall. (Sometimes it can be as simple as letting them fall, but that's another story.) Anyway, I'd welcome your comments and/or criticism.
4 Comments
Cherry
23/9/2013 12:35:41 pm
No, Oriana doesn't appear weak, just in a very weak position. You've created a great sense of tension and my only criticism is that the extract ended too soon.
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23/9/2013 02:26:05 pm
Thanks, both of you, that's good to hear. And yes, MTM, absolute shit is totally what I was going for :-)
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Frank Kusy
6/10/2013 08:23:19 am
Agreed. Oriana doesn't appear weak, and this is a fine piece of writing. My eye only stuck in one place, where the absolute shit Ifor casts O a 'loving glance'. Okay, it is 'belied' straight after, but I got the sense that he does indeed love her?
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