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Three conversations about writing

1/9/2013

5 Comments

 
1.

Partner: What are you doing?

Me: Writing.

Partner: No, you're not. I've been watching you for the past five minutes and you're just sitting there staring into space.

Me: Staring into space is part of writing.

Partner: Uh-huh. And before that, when you frowned at the screen, typed in a single word, frowned some more, then sighed heavily and deleted it again - that's part of writing too, is it?

Me: Yes.

Partner: And those times when you swear and slam the lid of your laptop shut, before stomping off to the kitchen to eat chocolate - they're also part of writing?

Me (defensively): Yes.

Partner: I see.

(He sits back in his chair and closes his eyes. Ten minutes pass in silence.)

Me: What are you doing?

Partner (without opening his eyes): Unloading the dishwasher.


2.

Casual acquaintance: So, I gather you've written a book.

Me (warily): Yes.

Casual acquaintance: I've often thought I'd like to write a book.

Me: Oh?

Casual acquaintance: Yeah. I mean, how hard can it be? People write books all the time.

Me: Well, yes, but -

Casual acquaintance: It must be nice, getting paid for just sitting there scribbling all day. Like getting paid to daydream.

Me: Well, it's not exactly -

Casual acquaintance: Have you signed up with a publisher yet?

Me: That's not how it -

Casual acquaintance: I'd go for Penguin, myself. I reckon my name would look good on one of those classic book cover mug things. So what's your book about?

Me: Um, it's a fantasy, and -

Casual acquaintance: Like Harry Potter?

Me: No, not really.

Casual acquaintance: Oh. To be honest, I don't read much fantasy. I don't read much fiction, actually. I prefer celebrity biographies, stuff like that. I got Peter Andre's autograph the other day.

Me: Yay.

Casual acquaintance: Still, not reading other people's fiction means I won't be influenced when I come to write my own, right?

Me: Well -

Casual acquaintance: Like I said, how hard can it be?

Me (under my breath): You just wait.*


3.

Me: This scene we wrote yesterday is actually pretty good.

Myself: Er, no, it's not. It's terrible.

Me: But look how witty the dialogue is! How cleverly we built the suspense! How successfully we revealed character through action!

Myself: It's the worst excuse for a piece of writing I've ever read. It sucks in every conceivable way. Based on this heap of garbage, we don't deserve to call ourselves a writer; in fact, I think we should give up and do something else with our lives.**

Me: Yeah, you're right. I don't know what I was thinking.

Myself: Let's go and eat chocolate.

(The following day ...)

Me: I know we said we were going to give up writing, but I just can't help myself.

Myself: I know. Me neither.

Me: So what are we going to do with this scene? Scrap it and start again?

(We read it through.)

Myself: Actually ... it's pretty good.

(Repeat ad infinitum.)



* The sad thing is, this woman probably will end up getting a multi-book deal and a six-figure advance. C'est la vie.

** Like play Gollum in the LOTR movies.

5 Comments
Ashen link
1/9/2013 05:45:52 am

What surreal fun. I'm staring into space, giggling away.

Reply
Ghadeer link
1/9/2013 06:22:46 am

Just reading the second conversation boils my blood!

Reply
Tricia Drammeh link
1/9/2013 12:29:26 pm

Sadly, I can related to all three of these scenarios. Numbers one and three had me rolling. Number two had me gritting my teeth. I've had people say the same thing to me. Lots of people think it's easy to write a book, easy to snag a publisher, and easy to make loads of money. And, guess what? Most of those people don't read. Hmm. Wonder if there's a connection?

Reply
Sophie E Tallis link
1/9/2013 01:38:10 pm

Love this! Particularly the arguing with yourself. I have some real humdingers with myself sometimes, and I always have to have the last word! :P

Reply
M T McGuire link
2/9/2013 03:01:53 pm

Mwah ha ha haargh! Very funny. But I wanted to punch the Casual Acquaintance to the ground!

Cheers

MTM

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